Do you want to report "Toxic parents in Jamaica"
My thing is the cussing and the quarreling with each other and talking down/belittling their kids thinking that that alone will magically make them do better and meet their expectations and standards and then are upset when it doesn’t work
My mom waited 16 years to have my sister for a “free sitter”. Not a pussyclaaat. When me a try get my money up she a mek me know seh “you haffi watch the baby weekend” and when i refuse “yuh too ungrateful”
Yeah this hate it, I watched my cousin basically raise her brother,no time to herself,luckily this never happened to me n never will ,mek the teenager dem live dem life n stop expect them fi watch them little siblings
She said so herself. Hence why i put it in quotes. And no its not ungrateful, i was trying to go out and make money on my own and she was trying to stop me from doing that. And at the same time she love talk how me never did a work.
Honestly, you can’t talk to them and call them out because if you do “yuh nav nuh manners etc” and by the time yuh can actually talk to them (when yuh reach 18) yuh barely even like them or see them as your parents, they have mental problems n need to get help
This is the same relationship slave masters had w/ the slaves. Neither wanted or asked (African captive mostly) to be here…the end result is a contested relationship where there were no real winners.
The English sent here were scoundrels opportunist low life’s looking something from the crown and they had came to Western hemisphere to pay dues back in England.
You are comparing people parents to the British slaveowners? You. cannot. be serious. Does your theory apply to the Haitians, Barbadians and Trinis as well ?
Looks to me OP trying generalize their own bad experience to everyone, when I can just go outside and deal with people who did not. People need to learn how to deal with their problems as grown-ups. If you feel bitter about your childhood , lashing out on an internet forum is probably not the best way to fix your issues .
Actually , depending on where you are in Jamaica, I can recommend some (actually qualified) psychiatrists and/or psychologists who can help pro bono. And they do have experience dealing with children of narcissistic/toxic parents . Aggrey Irons is one, but he is closer to National Stadium , if that is in your area.
I am establishing the role of authority figures in Jamaica’s historical culture that may have contributed to the parental style utilized today. Similar situations arise in other colonial countries, to which you appear unawares and ignorant of. That an type of treatment of slaves was utilized by slave owners struggling to control their slaves.
Haitian revolution as well as many other lesser known revolts scared slave masters in the w. hemisphere to find a way to control slave population w/o getting slaughtered like ones in Haiti. In the US they called it “Willie Lynch Syndrome” based on Willie Lynch letter. Who supposedly learned how effectively control slaves while somewhere in Caribbean.
So, if you unaware that slave practices were shared around western hemisphere, nows a good time to research up on it and stfu.
> Honestly, you can’t talk to them
I talk to my parents all the time. Dad taught me about Marcus Garvey , cricket, and that black are a mighty race that can accomplish what they will. Mom taught me to cook, took me voting, made me join the library etc.
> call them out because if you do “yuh nav nuh manners etc” and by the time yuh can actually talk to them (when yuh reach 18)
You’re joking - right? “Call out your parents?” You are their child - not their peer.
> yuh barely even like them or see them as your parents, they have mental problems n need to get help
Oh someone may have mental problems alright …..
> WTF are you saying, NOT everyone had the same upbringing that YOU HAD
Most did - my peers in particular .
> my family member went through HELL in jamaica, I cant tell the details not my business.
Okay.
> Most kids in this country don’t even have an active father figure.
So does that mean their buss-ass gets divided by two then? Or are you just trying to score poon ts by repeating facts everyone knows?
>Call out your parents?” You are their child - not their peer.
that is NOT what “G-Kayla” meant, if your parents are doing something bad and if you try to tell them that they are doing the bad thing, what the F*ck do you think is going to happen next!
So you obviously sound like you have decent parents,most kids in Jamaica don’t, toxic means that your parents treat you in a bad/wrong way, it is not normal,understand? We as kids can be mentally affected by this, and yes a child can go to their parents and say “ mommy I didn’t like that you said this to me…etc” and they sort it out and say that they will try to change, yes a toxic parent will do that but guess what? It’s just words, no change they will continue to be toxic, also most toxic parents are ppl who had a child when they r young so they r still kids themselves and think that they are “doing their best”
Residual trauma from slavery that sees the answer to any sort of conflict being severe beatings and ridicule. Paired with lack of communication skills and lack of self awareness you get the mess we have now. Not to mention the toll that religion has taken on the country. I am estranged from my parents due to the normalised abuse I suffered as a child especially at my mothers hands. They denied abuse my entire life and made my childhood a living hell. Now in my adulthood I am doing better than they ever have in every way and they are begging me to forgive them for the hell they put me through as a child—I think not! Nurturing my inner child means protecting her from the people who caused her so much suffering when she just needed to be heard.
The worst thing too is out of all my black and caribbean friends I feel like the Jamaican parents are always the worst amongst us. It’s a shame.
So true, the amount of unresolved pain and strife that is being passed down generationally needs to stop. We are only as strong as our weakest link, but too many of our people value and think that their strengths come from someone else’s religion, someone else’s skin tone and someone else’s idea of culture. When in reality, these people would give everything to be in your shoes.
I love my people and I love our energy, but we can and have to do better. You cannot tell any Jamaican that anybody on this earth is better than we, but in the same breath, we will be more understanding and treat people outside of our diasporas youth better than we treat our own. Teaching you children to remain fearful before you teach them to identify and eliminate ignorance, has never been a good plan.
They made you strong and see how you ungrateful!! /s
You see that blasted religion! I am not raising my kids religious. Me a try me best to break that cycle.. but thier dad still believe the church is the best.. sigh.
Religion ruined my life and my confidence and my assertiveness. Being female neva help, cause we are weaker , lesser than a man.. how can the one who carry a nation in their womb be weaker? I hate it here (world in general) .. I don’t really hate it but.. you get the idea..
My thing is when they bring up things and are constantly throwing it into your face. Even from when you were a kid. For example, my dad and I got into an argument, because my cousin told him a lie about me as retaliation for expecting her to pay me back a loan. When I told him that the cousin was lying, here him now, “But you’ve lied, too.” When I asked him when, “When you were a kid.” I’m in my thirties. Like, ok? What kid hasn’t lied at least once?
Gaslighting you🙄 I honestly feel like most Jamaican parents are narcissistic in nature, when they are good, they are amazing but when they are bad, they will stoop as low as sleeping with their child’s partner because of jealousy. It sad bad.
The pet was a baby guineapig who spent her whole life being friendly towards everyone. She never even bit anyone. Literally if you put your finger in her mouth she’d kiss you. He left her outside in the Canadian winter while i was out of town. I had no idea she was even outside.
I think he wanted her dead… something similar happened with another guineapig that i got a few weeks after luna died… i found luna after the snow melted… her head was gone.. i don’t know what happened first.. my parents threw out her dead body without telling me
Don’t forget the parents how protect them pedophiles sibling or cousin. The ones who say “your uncle coming so put on more clothes” or “okay him touch you? Dont go around him nomore” or “what were you doing mek him do or say that to you”
My sister has that problem, there are 3 of us and i get only low Cs while my older sister got high Cs and little sister get a lot of As but anytime there is a B my parents only concentrate on the B. Its a the point where she thinks the bar is low for me.
Toxic parents know better but they don’t want to do better. So all that will lead to is kids like myself to be “very ungrateful and very selfish” and once those toxic parents get old, we simply abandon them to some abusive golden age home.
Have to discuss “colonial past” and how the negative impact has influenced Jamaican society. Address, correct unnatural unsustainable anti-social behavior etc
But first, have to recognize Jamaica’s relationship w/ colonialism and the abusive relationship.
So much to unpack to address “toxic parents” which is a real and serious issue of society.
Took a flight to Kingston yesterday. In the airport heard one lady threaten her TODDLER to bash in his head, and then heard a second woman telling her daughter she better hope to find a man to mine her. Sickening.
This is the lack of communication skills that I tried to start a discussion on, but was verbally attacked. I cannot help my people if a simple question about an issue in an effort to source staff, turns into an argument about how Jamaicans do possess reason ability and positive communication skills and how I was uninformed etc. I witnessed a mother call her own child a man royal, and tough because she was tall and had a large stature, I witnessed another call her child dry head bitch and I myself was beaten with an extension cord that left a large scar, and cursed by my aunt because I went 10 steps to the local dress maker to pick up a dress she made for my doll, to this day my aunt denies this fact and has a malice against me because I tried to discuss how damaging that experience was. Verbal abuse happens very often and it bleeds into other sectors of Jamaican society as well. I want to give the voiceless a voice, but how can I, when everything is denied?
I pretty much gave up. All attempts of trying to get them to see the errors of their ways, the shit them put me through an how I felt fall on deaf ears. You can’t reason with people who think that they’ve done nothing wrong. Just waiting till I get on my feet then I go full no contact.
The sad part is they pass on this toxicity to their children when they die, I was the black sheep my mom was a vengeful pos and her family who are still living ( to include one of my own sisters) care more about honoring her name than they care about loving and respecting me. I cut them all off and I’m okay with it because I refuse to look after any of them when they get old.
It just boils down to the fact that if you live under their roof they expect you to do everything they want without question my mom was and is like this sadly and when you leave and want nothing to do with them your ungrateful and most of the family hates what you did
Honestly, my parents are what I would call “untraditional Jamaican parents” they’re not abusive nor forceful, instead they give advice and opinions and we as their children pick and choose from that and implement it in or lifestyle. I also disagree with people stating that religion is a factor of toxic parents because it’s not entirely true. My whole family are Seventh day Adventists but our parents don’t force us to believe what they believe, they share their thoughts on the topic with valid explanation. Also they don’t put other children over us like some parents do. They trust us enough to believe us over believing other people. But on the other hand, majority of Jamaican parents that I knw of are ofc toxic but I won’t generalize and say all.
I am sorry that some of you have expressed traumatic childhoods.Yes, I did get beatings and scolded when I misbehaved. While my parents never told me that they love me, there was never any doubt in my mind that they did. They did not give me all I wanted materially, but they gave me, my sister and brothers all we needed. They left us with some wonderful memories and now, as a parent, I feel that this is my role - to nourish my children and provide them with wonderful memories
This thread should be shared and sent to Chris Tufton and other officials so we can all participate in his powerful topic that rarely gets any mention for solutions to crimeTo corporate Jamaica, solution is always more police/ top down authoritative policies instead of actual dialogue.
Most Jamaicans are still illiterate, though some can read they still can’t think and they are caught up in just trying to survive I guess..the family structure is totally broken.. I wake up every hearing disgusting neighbors just blasting away at kids that I think will soon become wanted criminals only to.get eaten by the system
another thing is the entitlement. If they don’t agree on how you do something just because their patents didn’t do it that way , its wrong. How you gonna tell your daughter how to discipline her own kid. Your not the parent , your the grandmother. If the kid isnt get abused, why threaten the parents and act all holier than thou when you use to beat tf outta ya own kids.
I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THIS HYPROCRISY.
Quick to use the honor your parents clause but never aware of the provoke not your children warning that comes right after for good reason.
Glad my child won’t be experiencing that malarkey but also therapy for this mess is expensive 😮💨
I say to my friends all the time.
For a country that is so severely mentally scarred and toxic, it’s ironic that the Psychology students enter the degree feeling like they are gonna waste their time cause most don’t see the value of mental health or therapy.
Sure,
Going to see a movie - beating
standing up for yourself - beating
people saying lies about you - beating
trying to do your own thing - beating
​
all of what my family member went through before she came to canada.
The parents we have in USA are toxic too. I understand Jamaican parents may seem toxic, but I grow up with my father working across the world to get me into school. My mother serve in us military to feed my brudda, sistah and myself. They did what they could and because of them I could visit beautiful country like Jamaica to meet nice people, some loving parents like yours.
Irie your opinions
